Guess what? I live

Yep! Turns out I'm eternal and so is all my bullshit.

For real, so much shit has shifted in my life yet, much has stayed the same. With all the transformations I've undergone since the first post on this blog, the person that is me is still me. I say this with great humility, the past two years have been a series of tower moments orchestrated by the Universe which has yielded bucketloads of wisdom. In the Astral world, I have attained queen status...but in humandom, my personality still stands. I mean, I'm still bordering on insecurity and arrogance, near-fatal obsession and stark aloofness, dark depression, and sunflower joy. Basically, despite reconnecting with my divinity and owning in, I'm sorry to report that I ain't a nebulous mist. Not yet anyway. 

Because you see, my spiritual maturity came because of my ego and shadow self, not despite them. Once I was schooled in the art of not taking my personality seriously because it ain't even me, I underwent another process of actually loving this me that ain't truly me. I say 'underwent' as if I'm done with this, but the truth is, I'm still in the thick of it. 

It's actually why I came to write this today. 

I'm currently at a point in my life where I am mostly at peace with the present moment, however it may present itself. I feel anxiety arise, I sit with it. I feel depression, I welcome it. Heck, I even feel horny (two years celibate motherfuckersssss!) and I chill in my own juices without rubbing one out, most of the time. Concrete evidence of my maturity sir! 

That is until a yearning in my romantic heart arises. Then legit, I seem to lose my equanimity. This is a neurosis I'm yet to accept in my humandom, let alone love. I am incredibly averse to my desire to be loved and caressed by a beautiful man with a well-moisturized beard. I squeal at the thought of me wanting to bury my head in the hairy chest of someone's son.

So, I'd like to thank Scorpio season for granting me the balls to not only admit this desire to myself but also the whole entire internet. For sure, there's a part of myself that seeks the kind of human companionship that will not only set my heart and soul on fire but will ignite my loins too. This me loves this idea so much that she secretly allows it to be the reason she gets up in the morning and sit for an hour in meditation. Cause, she gots to get ready for this ultimate love of her life.

I'd like to tell you that this big girl is doing all this spiritual work to help humanity but shit, who am I fooling? I want my divine counterpart to feel my aura before he sees me. I want to have clear telepathic conversations with him when he's out of town. I want to have orgasms from just catching a whiff of his energy. I'm finna be the empress and the high priestess for my nigga. 

Quite frankly, the world can save itself. 

I kid. 

But honestly, let my mini rampage be a testament to how strong this desire is within me. And no longer will I pretend to be too holy for romantic love, I'm not too high vibrational for cuddles from a vegan, gluten-free emperor. 

I own this too. This part of me deserves to be seen and heard.

Shamelessly,

Inolofatseng


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