Two years a celibate

Can I have everybody's attention please? I'd like to make a toast. November 2020 marks the second year anniversary of my celibacy and we should all be celebrating!


Yes, I'm super proud of myself!! But here's the tea👀...

During this period of sexual prudence, I hardly even masturbated. This is despite my ferocious sexual appetite.  In fact, I vividly recall my first post-celibacy pleasure session in April of 2019. I gave myself such an explosive orgasm that I ejaculated, for the first time in my entire life! 

I mean, this orgasm was surely explosive for the obvious reason, squirting 💦. But it was also such a delightful surprise because technically, I wasn't masturbating. I was simply stimulating the senses of smell and touch with an aromatic massage of my nether regions. This innocence was inspired by my then belief that abstinence would help heal my sacral chakra and transmute sexual traumas. 

Happily, I no longer hold these spiritually correct beliefs. Don't get me wrong, I know that celibacy and the spiritual healing I've been doing has certainly healed my svadhisthana (sacral) chakra. Yet, I'm no longer under the illusion that this is the sole reason I decided to activate nun mode. 

If you asked Inolofatseng of April 2019, she would've told you that she's ghosting sex because she's waiting for a partner who meditates, is vegan, drinks as much water as he does herbal tea, and will first love her essence (soul) before engaging with her substance (body). 

While I currently look back at this reasoning with great compassion and understanding, I can finally admit that my celibacy is for all these 'holy' motives AND it's fueled by the fact that I'm scared shitless of...The Sex. 

I'm afraid of engaging in sensual activities with another human because the last time I did, I unleashed unnamable forces onto all areas of my life! 

The sex itself was sure blissful. I was entangled in the arms of a masterful orator with a beautiful face-my known weakness. This Venusian god (Taurus sun) served such good dick that I gave prayers of thanks mid-stroke. Repeatedly. We stayed as one for most of the night, with periodic breaks for breathwork, meditation, and dance. Little did I know that this sensational play was setting the stage for the showdown sacred fire dance between man and spirit. Indeed, folks, this was the night that my kundalini was 'accidentally' activated. 

The resulting transformation was so dazzling that I turned off all sexual urges. Evidently, this was my attempt at preserving the little ego that I had left. In addition, I'm scared of actually dying 💀

I quite simply don't trust that I can again undergo such transcendence without leaving my physical body for good. Or at least until my next incarnation.

No doubt this fear is as effective as a chastity belt, though it sure ain't stopping me from practicing kundalini yoga twice a day. I'm bravely inching closer to the void so the Divine mother can again swallow who I think I am. I hope it sticks this time 🤞. 

Okay motherfuckers, thanks for hearing me out!🌻 

I'm done,

Inolofatseng


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