It's okay. You're okay. We're Alright.

I've lived most of my life believing that okayness is something I can acquire externally. I was born, like many of you reading this, into a world that told me that I am a sinner but I shouldn't worry because if I followed 10 (plus another 10 000) 'simple' rules written centuries before I came into being, I could cleanse my soul of this sin. Although my parents would describe themselves as Christian, I can't say I was raised to be religious but I sure was made to believe in my unworthiness (through social conditioning). While my first instict was to reject these ideas I slowly came to believe this because I sought to harmonise with the world I found myself in.

So for a while, a good while, I lived my life mostly trying to obtain this elusive worthiness, my daily lived experience was that of efforting with hopes of feeling deserving. Now, because of my none-existent religious background my effort was not offered to gain purity for heaven sake. Nope. I was efforting to prove that I was smart and nice, despite my apparence-resting bitch face. 

 Three year old me spotting the infamous resting bitch face.

As a young, mean looking girl I decided that I would prove to everyone and God that I am nice and smart. Smart too because I wasn't considered cute or whatever. So I worked hard, studied the most, attended all my classes even the ones I found utterly useless. I said yes to things I really wanted to say no to, went places I didn't want to go to, became friends to humans I didn't like much and most significantly, I kept repeating to myself that it was okay being unhappy, exhausted, angry, resentful, broke and all the shit storm I was feeling because at least people liked me and I was 'smart'-as indicated by my spotless academic record.

 Ino the high achiever.

Until I suffered what psychiatrists call 'psychosis' on my 24th birthday. I still don't know what psychosis is, I don't care enough to Google it but it felt like not giving a fuck. I recall sitting in my hospital bed and thinking "I'm glad I lost my mind but I'd be happier with death". I left the hospital with all types of drugs, including the marijuana I had brought in. Drugs to make me happy. Drugs to make me sleep. I tasted relief and was not prepared to go back to being tense. So I spent 4 months high or drunk. High and drunk sometimes. Mostly high.

 I was particularly high here 👀👀👀
                                                 
Then, I found God-through studying the teachings of Abraham-Hicks in the most obvious place, within myself. Details of my spiritual awakening will follow in subsequent posts but today, on my first post I am inspired to share this: it's okay.

It's okay that I am where I am and where I am is just fine. It's fine because it's all that I have. All that we have. This now time and space is okay because it's all that I am knowing. It's okay because God, what I call All That Is, is never judging, is always loving, and IS reveling in this 'contrast' I'm living.

We're okay because we ARE. Okayness, worthiness, wellbeing is the basis of All That Is and because we are extensions of This, we too Are. We are gods expressing. We are love. We are joy. We are Well. We are worthy simply because we Are.

I'm alright. We're alright🌞🌞🌞

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